space brothers world tour: spØrk meets spiderman

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*SPØRK MEETS SPIDERMAN^® - WE CAME IN PEACE BUT LEFT IN CHAINS* [By SPACEBROTHER SPØRK] [© Copyright 2002 Tod Foley]
Upon arrival, I obtained use of an earth vehicle to begin my search for suitable contacts	After much reconnaissance, I learned to determine the difference between an earth dwelling and a strip mall	My journeys continued long into the night. I finally resorted to using the power of FñÜrm to maneuver the vehicle	Eventually, even this got tiring. Fortunately, I spotted an Earthling entering his abode
It took three anal probes to determine that I had mistakenly violated a common house cat	Against the cat's advisements, I decided to enter the home of his masters	Unbeknownst to me, my activities were witnessed by an unknown lurking presence in brightly-colored Lycra	I entered the home and quickly materialized a suitable gift of fresh βñelb¥s and spicy VlØü+
My first contact with an Earthling seemed harmless enough, he even showed me his collection of $hñàßß	But things soon took a turn for the worse, as the Earthling's true goals revealed themselves	I bid farewell to my hungry friend, lucky to have escaped with my life	When I returned to my original point of contact, my feline friend had vanished
Had I not been fazed by the human's attempt at SpØrk-ingestion, I might have noticed my attacker creeping up behind me	Suddenly I was confronted. The intimidating but colorfully-dressed stranger demanded an immediate explanation	Remembering the cannibalistic tendencies of this race, I decided to strike the first blow	This turned out to be a bad idea
Inadvertently, I had discovered that the strength of these creatures varies tremendously from one specimen to the next	I next discovered that unlike that of our home planet, the earth's gravity is a force difficult to resist	I managed to get myself upright as quickly as possible, but not quickly enough...	My adversary had commandeered my vehicle, and was bearing down upon me with frightening speed
The results were predictably devastating	Before I could reconstitute, I was carted away to a strange place called "Area 51."	All in all, it isn't so bad. I've caught up with some of my old friends here, and we spend the days knorfling and playing gloit while we await the inevitable search party.It is not entirely clear whether the Earthlings are naturally aggressive or whether our scouts have unknowingly violated some unspoken cultural rule. Perhaps the next visitors should wear Lycra. Judging from my own experience, these entities are not yet sufficiently evolved to warrant serious attempts at contact. I recommend that we forestall their invitation to join to the Brotherhood of United Planets for an indefinite period.